job application: poll writer

Dear Sir,
With reference to the position of Poll Writer for your TV station's teletext.
I wish to apply for this position and I address the Selection Criteria as hereunder.
1. Mundane Life.
I left school 2o years ago. I live at home with my wife and 2.2 children. I drive to work. I jog at lunch time. I suck on bottled water. I have been in the one job at the same level for the past two years. I watch TV every night. I copy any craze such as sodoku. I have a huge mortgage which my grandchildren will pay off before they die.
2. Ability to think inanely.
I vote conservative unless my mother and father tell me to vote otherwise. I listen to Alan Jones and Steve Price regularly and I always read Piers Ackerman. I follow the crowd at any race riot in Redfern or Cronulla.
3. Community Service.
I am good friends with the man who lives next door to the Club President and sometimes I help him sell chook raffles. I drop my kids off at sport to help make the do gooder Junior Sports officials feel better about themselves.
Yours sincerely,