that's the tragedy of suicide

Evidence of personal growth is just over the next hill and the tragedy for suicide victims is that the hill just seems to go forever upwards. This assignment has been tough - I seem to have nothing to do and I play solitaire to vent my frustration and anger that the assignment was poorly planned. I have written over a ream of papers and presented several seminar papers. But the effort seems to be hollow. Unlike the effort of the guy at the theological college who was doing coal-face work with computers during the evenings even. My other mate R gets more thoroughly involved with youth through kick boxing. So for me I look to where personal growth might be found. PNG can be a touristy thing adventure where the adventure is in the object or the other - such as the betel nut and PMVs and the filth and the humility in the church. But it can also be an adventure within the subject - that is within the self. I am living up here away from my 82 nearly 83 year old mother and when the job gets tough through the seeming unappreciation of the fact that i am a volunteer who is here to help, I fume about this unappreciative mobile phone stealing lot and tell myself I ought to be back giving solace to my mother who would at least appreciate it. That is mein Kampff and I want to grow through it.