So what had I just left?

My worst bout of depression ever. Here I was a 56 year old living with my 81 yr old Mum. I had realised after 4 months novitiate for the Ministry that vestments and the Church was a delusionary calling. I love to hear the call of God but His call and the call of the Church I came to realise were two different things. As with my Dad, Church was a major part of my life and so if i was not to have a more permanent and professional role in the Church, then what was I to do? This crisis developed into depression. At 56 I was too young to do nothing. I wasn't a bowler not golfer nor fisherman. Matt was not dependent on me and if anything I had become unfairly dependent on him. The depression even affected my psychology in other ways. I became claustrophobic on the plane down to Melbourne for the pre-departure briefing for PNG. I told the passenger next to me - Can you talk to me. I am afraid. Vous etes mal? he replied. Non, j'ai peur. Je me sens enferme a la tete. Vous avez claustropfobie? Oui, mais c'est bon que vous parlez avec moi. Vous voulez que je fais l'attention de l'hotesse? Mais no merci. Je suis meilleur. C'est seul que j'avais besoin de parler avec quelqu'un. je suis desole. Vous avez etudie francais en ecole? Thank you to the kind Frenchman.