my 83 year old mother was beside herself

with consternation when my first assignment was to have been Afghanistan in June last year. Lae in PNG is not so far away and I think she can handle the proximity. I have been back twice in my 8 months here. But I chose to forsake her and my son Matthew to try to do some good for someone else. I chose to forsake being away at the time of the anniversary of my daughter's birth. I chose to accept the kindness of a mate Barry who took flowers out to her grave.
If I do nothing else other than employ a haus meri and give her a sense of security for my time here I assume that counts for something? If I do nothing else other than treat the compound security guards with as much dignity and respect as the rules will allow me, then I assume that counts for something?
So how do I express my confusion? Am I not allowed to be confused and do I have to keep it to myself? I am not a PNG national. I am a guest in this country. I read and hear about things in the paper every day. If my correspondent often hears the offensive things I wrote, what has my correspondent done to allay my seeing and hearing things? I have already apologised, in Christianity I believe I am already forgiven because I am sincere. But now in looking to the future, I wonder what my correspondent and I can do together to ensure no-one else has cause to see and hear things, the writing about which gives offence?