Liberal Party room

Attention colleagues, let's give a big hearty welcome home to the most successful PM in history.
Yair-no, cut the crap Peter. I'm not in the mood for adulation. I'm pissed off with you. I leave the country for 10 days, I make myself a hero - nerves of steel the paper said I had - and what do I find when I come back? Another minister resigned, three colleagues under investigation in Brisbane, and NSW looking like a disaster zone for us in next week's election. What the f*&% has been going on? You're s'posed to be the deputy leader - which means you look after things while I'm away. Some job you've done. As for you Santo you bl&^%$ clown.
W-w-with due respect Prime Minister, you don't look too good yourself dining out with porno kings.
With due respect be buggered Santo. You got no respect at all. None of you. You're just riding on the coat-tails of my popularity. And if I fail you all fail. Just remember that without me you're nothing. All that effort of mine, risking my life in visiting the troops, being smoked out of a plane, all that valuable photo op footage and I might as well stayed at home wa#^%& myself. Sweet Janette is heartbroken. All my effort and for what she says. There's not another that can lie like I do - except maybe for Eric the merciless - she says. I'm the best bullshitter in the business. I can con the tits off a bull. I'm as cunning as a shit-house rat. That's what I've built my reputation on. And you jokers can't take a trick without me. I'm going off to confession. Eric, you take over and try to teach 'em a thing or two about the art of bullshit and being sly and cunning. Santo, you'd better come with me and confess your stupidity. Waste o' space all o' you. Waste o' space.