Emergency Meeting, Liberal Party Room

PM: Colleagues, I don't need to tell you that mud fight against Rudd left us looking stupid and we know who to blame don't we Peter. Some future PM you're going to be - and a long way into the future unless you pull your head in.
Peter: Sorry PM. It won't happen again.
PM: So here's the plan. From now on Eric is gunna be in charge of mud throwing. He's very slippery and you all should learn from him. We're going to get back to basics and do the things I'm good at. Let's just go through my strengths again. Yes Tony, the first thing I'm good at is?
Tony: Lying. You are an excellent liar PM.
PM: Yes I know that but that's not what I mean. I mean Prime Ministerial things I'm good at. Alexander, you have a go.
Alexander: You know how to appeal to bogans and cricket yobbos?
PM: Yes, yes I know but classy things I'm good at. The boy that just got sacked - Ian, you have a go.
Ian: You show great enthusiasm when Australia wins at sport PM.
PM: Well done, that's good. Yes Julie?
Julie: You are very popular with the troops coming home? And you bless yourself well in Church?
PM: Yes, yes but just one at a time Julie. But that's very positive and encouraging Julie thank you. Yes Brendan?
Brendan: You are a great war-time leader PM?
PM: There we have it you see. I do have a lot of positive strengths. More than Rudd anyway. Squeaky voiced johnny come lately. I think I'm taller than him aren't I? Anyway, here's the plan. I need more photo ops with the troops coming home. Brendan, that was your idea so you look after that. Julie, go through the death notices and find someone important who's died so I can go to the funeral and bless myself. Not one like that Rocker who died and only had a concert. It has to be a Church funeral. Preferably Catholic where they dress up. Oh and see if you can get on to the Surfing Championships organisers and let them know I'd be avaiable to present the medals. That's it. Back to work everybody.