Staff Meeting, PM's Office

Present: PM; Leader of the House; Chief of Staff; Whip; Press Officer; Liberal Party Executive Director. (footnote: General Secretary is a term for less prestigious Union type organisations).
PM: Let's get down to business. A right stuff up you've made of things. I've been away for 10 days - 10 days - and look at what I've come back to. Tony, what's on today? A thanksgiving service in Innisfail. And where have you got me? In Parliament! You're not thinking. The cyclone was a year ago. That means anniversary. Where should the Leader of the Nation be on an anniversary? Where the cameras are! Gabrielle, what positive news have you got in the papers? There's some shonky journo writing about me as a circus master and pulling rabbits out of a hat! That's the news. Where is the story of me being an elder Statesman in the Middle East? Brian, a fat lot of good you've been you slack-a#$%. How many more misdemeanors have our members been up to? Andrew, what support has the Party been giving me? Stuff all. Now for all the public liability that Brian Burke is seen to be, he can get things done. Get on to him on the side - ask ASIO how you do it surreptitiously - and get some pointers from him. Take a brown paper bag with you and tell him you'll double it if the meeting stays out of the papers till after the election. Ryan, get me a schedule of all the anniversaries. Mix them up - the sad with the solemn with the happy ones. Get me some new outfits - budgie smugglers for starters. They seem to have made even the international press take notice. Some riding boots and a pair of jeans and find out where the next rodeo is on. We also need to appeal more to the hippy culture and the Gay and Lesbians so get me some leathers and feathers and invite a few of them say 20 over to the Lodge. What are you staring at? If you lot had been doing your job I could have been spared this anguish. I can just imagine Jan's face. How she will explain it to the Bishop I don't know.