Dad, are you really my father?

My darling child, of course I am. I love you. Why would you think otherwise?
Well Dad, we didn't want you to sell our pet Telstra. A loving Father would not have done that to his children would he? And then you told us those scary stories about the children overboard. A loving Father wouldn't scare his children. And then you promised us you would not drink GST ever ever again and now you are back on the bottle.
Ohh, my Child.
No wait Dad, there's more. Before I was born you promised Mum you only had 6 months of gambling debts to pay off with a tax surcharge but you lied because you extended it to 12 months. And then you managed our finances so badly you had to go to the bank manager and ask him to take the cap off 13.5% interest rates for you.
Ohh my child. Sometimes a Father knows best.
Well why did you shame us by getting into that brawl at the pub with Mr Hussein about which now all the kids are laughing at us saying "I told you so." And now you won't even stick up for our brother David in Guantamo Gaol. A real Father would support his children no matter what they did. Is Mr Beazeley my real Father Dad? Is that why you're always saying nasty things about him? And with your record of lying, how would I know if you are telling me the truth this time? Who is my real Father, Dad?