outback to jungle

give the strategy time to work

2007-03-22T09:14:00.000+09:00

How much more time? The Iraq invasion has been going for four years now. How much more time? 6 months? One year? two years? Five years? How much more time? And if this strategy fails, will the Coalition of the Willing come up with another alternative strategy or will it realise it can't be done?
If this was a professional boxing match, the referee would have stopped the fight ages ago and called in the doctor. We should never have been there in the first place. Saddam Hussein was bad and so is Robert Mugabe and so was the apartheid regime in South Africa. Why was Saddam Hussein different that the Iraqi people needed to be treated this way? To call the misery being endured by the Iraqis a victory for freedom really makes one wonder.
What is at stake here is ego. Like the Monty Python sketch of the knight who doesn't know when enough is enough and is delimbed until he is nothing but a head in a helmet, so too is the mess that is Iraq. Ego, stupidity, pride, selfishness, stubborn-ness. It doesn't matter about misery of the living and the deaths of the innocents.

Oh darling John, what's wrong?

2007-03-21T09:03:00.000+09:00

You're so upset.
Oh sweet ever faithful Jan, my most loyal fan. Alas my heart is broken. They don't love me anymore.
Who diddums? Who doesn't love you?
The voters. They are saying horrible things that I'm not likeable like I used to be and that I'm arrogant and not trustworthy.
There there Honeybunch. They're only voters. What would they know. And anyway, at least they're not saying you're mean and tricky like they used to.
Oh, but woe, what am I going to do? I like to be liked. I had such a wretched childhood from being teased for being a four-eyed nerd.
Well. That's it then. We'll tell your childhood myth. Just like Rudd. We'll go on A Current Affair and tell them about your sad upbringing.
Oh really Jan my sweetness? Really do you think it'll work? Oh I knew I could count on you. You turn my sorrow into hope and my darkness into light.
Yes, we'll do that and then also we'll go on Bert's Family Feud - you, me and two of the kids. All those contestants are popular. I'll send in a nomination form today. Bert is so good at building people up and making them feel good about themselves. Let's see how Mr Smarty-pants Rudd like that!

Iraq - 4 years on.

2007-03-20T09:39:00.000+09:00

Us heartless, selfish, stubborn and stupid people of power. We feel really proud. We showed that Saddam Hussein not to mess with us. 60 thousand dead - minimum. Doesn't matter. At least Saddam Hussein is dead now too. Yair, we got 'im.

War leaders we are. Stupid men and one silly woman who intend to shape the world in our image.

60 thousand dead - minimum. What did you do for the sake of Humanity, Daddy? I killed 60 000 Iraqis.

What's more, we're Christians. We did the Lord's work for him. Killed all them 60 000 mainly Moslems to save him the trouble. Plus about 4000 soldiers from our Christian countries. But that was just collateral damage.

60 thousand dead - minimum. Iraq, four years on. We're winning, we're winning. 60 thousand dead - minimum.

Staff Meeting, PM's Office

2007-03-20T08:52:00.001+09:00

Present: PM; Leader of the House; Chief of Staff; Whip; Press Officer; Liberal Party Executive Director. (footnote: General Secretary is a term for less prestigious Union type organisations).
PM: Let's get down to business. A right stuff up you've made of things. I've been away for 10 days - 10 days - and look at what I've come back to. Tony, what's on today? A thanksgiving service in Innisfail. And where have you got me? In Parliament! You're not thinking. The cyclone was a year ago. That means anniversary. Where should the Leader of the Nation be on an anniversary? Where the cameras are! Gabrielle, what positive news have you got in the papers? There's some shonky journo writing about me as a circus master and pulling rabbits out of a hat! That's the news. Where is the story of me being an elder Statesman in the Middle East? Brian, a fat lot of good you've been you slack-a#$%. How many more misdemeanors have our members been up to? Andrew, what support has the Party been giving me? Stuff all. Now for all the public liability that Brian Burke is seen to be, he can get things done. Get on to him on the side - ask ASIO how you do it surreptitiously - and get some pointers from him. Take a brown paper bag with you and tell him you'll double it if the meeting stays out of the papers till after the election. Ryan, get me a schedule of all the anniversaries. Mix them up - the sad with the solemn with the happy ones. Get me some new outfits - budgie smugglers for starters. They seem to have made even the international press take notice. Some riding boots and a pair of jeans and find out where the next rodeo is on. We also need to appeal more to the hippy culture and the Gay and Lesbians so get me some leathers and feathers and invite a few of them say 20 over to the Lodge. What are you staring at? If you lot had been doing your job I could have been spared this anguish. I can just imagine Jan's face. How she will explain it to the Bishop I don't know.

from the National 20 Mar

2007-03-20T08:46:00.000+09:00

Unitech crisis ends. BY PETER KORUGL.
AN independent team will look into the allegations made by the National Academic Staff Association (NASA) against the University of Technology administration. This was one of the key points agreed to by the university council and NASA members over the weekend. The crisis resolution had encouraged the more than 2,000 students to return to their classes yesterday after being away for about three weeks and brought an end to uncertainty, frustrations and fears within the campus. University sources said the terms of reference for the team, yet to be announced, would be drawn up and agreed to sometime this week.The Ombudsman Commission would also investigate the allegations, many of which are “serious”, according to Morobe Governor Luther Wenge. Mr Wenge had met the NASA executives at the height of the crisis at the Taraka campus. The independent team was expected to present their findings after the third or fourth week. If there were sufficient evidence of mismanagement and malpractices at the university, then the senior executive management will be sidelined and the Ombudsman will take over, the source said. The issues were resolved by NASA members and the council over the weekend, leading to the signing of the agreement. The crisis resolution had encouraged the more than 2000 students to return to their classes yesterday after being away for about three weeks and brought an end to uncertainty, frustrations and fears within the campus. The students had feared that the current academic year could have been wasted and that they would have to come back next year to repeat their courses. “They (students) are back in classes and everything is very quiet on campus,” a source in the student representative council told The National.

Prime Minister, welcome to Iraq again.

2007-03-19T11:08:00.000+09:00

President Maliki, how good to see you again. My troops are looking after things?
Yes of course. The support for me among my countrymen is so small, I am very happy to have outside asssitance to prop up my regime.
Good, I'm glad to hear it. Now if you would be so kind as to repeat that for the cameras. It will lend legitimacy to what I am telling my people back in Australia. And if you could pour a bucket of mud on the Opposition Leader that would be good.
Gather round everybody. Good, I see weve got all the major networks here. Well Ladies and Gentlemen, President Maliki and I have concluded our talks and we will take questions.
Prime Minister, before we take questions, allow me as your host to say a few words. My country and my family appreciate the measures Australia has taken to prop up my regime. This is bold thinking from a bold man of steel. I request you keep your troops here. Opposition Leader Rudd should remember what it was like living in a car and he ought to spare Iraqis the same fate. Iraq needs the boldness of your Prime Minister. Thank you. No further questions.

Zimbabwe is barbaric

2007-03-19T10:46:00.000+09:00

"The Prime Minister, John Howard, says the Zimbabwean Government's violent suppression of its political opponents is barbaric. He says one of the major reasons that President Robert Mugabe has remained in power and presided over the destruction of his country is that Zimbabwe's neighbours, particularly South Africa, have failed to exert the pressure they could have."
So John what does this mean?
That it's all Rudd's fault?
Well yes, that too. But remember who else was barbaric? And what did you do?
Kim Beazeley? Barak Obama? Malcolm Fraser?
Yes, them too, but remember Sadd..? Saddam Huss...? Saddam Hussein? Ir..? Iraq?
Oh yes. Saddam Hussein. Yes it's all coming back to me. I invaded Iraq. Great military war time Prime Minister I was. Yes, it's all coming back to me. And I called Beazeley No Ticker Kim. Yes. I should bomb the shitter out of the Zimbabweans. Take a moral position. I will fight them on the beaches. I will never surrender. Great war time leader. And accidentally I win a fifth term as Prime Minister?
Well done John.

from the National 19th March 07

2007-03-19T09:41:00.000+09:00

"More lecturers to leave Unitech. By PETER KORUGL.
MORE national lecturers plan to resign from their positions at the PNG University of Technology in Lae, Morobe province.The planned resignations are over the treatment their counterparts received in the current dispute between the council and the National Academic Staff Association (NASA).The National was told by several senior academics that some of those were experienced lecturers, including acting departmental heads.“I am going. I am just sorting out a few things before I go,” one acting head of department said over the weekend.Many of them were with the university for many years and were going into the private sector, joining a group of people who had resigned to go contest the elections.Those who resigned last year were served with eviction notices last Friday and the notices were expected to be served on NASA members who resigned en masse last week. Chancellor Philip Stagg told a student meeting at the height of the crisis that the council would recruit new staff to ensure classes started today.Sources said it would take the university at least four months to recruit new people to fill in the vacant positions.Classes at the university may start today – that is if national academics agree to get back into their jobs.NASA members were reviewing their position, with the option to reapply for reinstatement into their positions at the 13 academic departments.NASA last night said its members had met and looked at the details of the Memorandum of Agreement and it would put its position to the council that would lead to the signing of an agreement.“Certain details of the MoA are being looked into by the members. We have our lawyer here so he is going to meet with the members tonight,” caretaker president Loko Anota said.Lae police are on full alert and will move into the Taraka and Bulolo campuses should the continued stand-off between NASA and the council escalates into rampage by the students who felt victimised in the dispute and were frustrated because they were not in classes.There is calm but uneasiness at the university as the negotiations to end the dispute continue. "

so now we've got to stay in Iraq

2007-03-19T09:13:00.000+09:00

until we've got rid of the terrorists in there.
What bloody peanut was responsible for getting the terrorists into Iraq? There were none there in Saddam's time. Victory was declared in about May 2003 against the background of a sign on the USS Aircraft Carrier "Mission accomplished". We did not go in for regime change but to satisfy ourselves there were no WsMD. There were none so why are we still there? If we were not about regime change then why did we change the regime? The bullshit, the lies, the hypocricy. Too bad about the shattered lives of the poor bloody Iraqis.

Beryl love, come quick

2007-03-19T08:44:00.000+09:00

it's our Prime Minister. My, doesn't he remind you of Churchill? That battle jacket he's got on. He must have nerves of steel. I mean he's not only got a country to run but there he is looking completely Churchillian fighting a war. The only thing missing is the cigar. Visiting the troops among all 'em towel head terrorists. You wouldn't catch me over there. Suicide bombers, terrorists, Moslems, extremists. Wipe 'em all out. Bring back conscription and wipe 'em all out. That's about the only thing I could fault Howard on. We got no conscription. Bring back conscription that's what I say. And put all them Abo kids in the army to teach 'em a bit of work ethic. That's how to clean up Redfern and all them western towns. Put Sheik Hilali and that Ramdo Habib guy and David Hicks in the army. And all the other asylum seekers. Put 'em in the army and that'll prove how much they want to live here. Why should our kids have to risk their lives? All 'em asylum seekers - that 'd be the best citizenship test - make 'em kill ten terrorists and they can come here.
Oh Arthur, doesn't he remind you of Churchill? Remember Churchill in his battle jacket giving 'em Germans curry? I'll get us a cup o' tea love. Oooh I feel so proud once again.

Liberal Party room

2007-03-19T08:19:00.000+09:00

Attention colleagues, let's give a big hearty welcome home to the most successful PM in history.
Yair-no, cut the crap Peter. I'm not in the mood for adulation. I'm pissed off with you. I leave the country for 10 days, I make myself a hero - nerves of steel the paper said I had - and what do I find when I come back? Another minister resigned, three colleagues under investigation in Brisbane, and NSW looking like a disaster zone for us in next week's election. What the f*&% has been going on? You're s'posed to be the deputy leader - which means you look after things while I'm away. Some job you've done. As for you Santo you bl&^%$ clown.
W-w-with due respect Prime Minister, you don't look too good yourself dining out with porno kings.
With due respect be buggered Santo. You got no respect at all. None of you. You're just riding on the coat-tails of my popularity. And if I fail you all fail. Just remember that without me you're nothing. All that effort of mine, risking my life in visiting the troops, being smoked out of a plane, all that valuable photo op footage and I might as well stayed at home wa#^%& myself. Sweet Janette is heartbroken. All my effort and for what she says. There's not another that can lie like I do - except maybe for Eric the merciless - she says. I'm the best bullshitter in the business. I can con the tits off a bull. I'm as cunning as a shit-house rat. That's what I've built my reputation on. And you jokers can't take a trick without me. I'm going off to confession. Eric, you take over and try to teach 'em a thing or two about the art of bullshit and being sly and cunning. Santo, you'd better come with me and confess your stupidity. Waste o' space all o' you. Waste o' space.

Peter? John here.

2007-03-16T09:19:00.000+09:00

Yair-no Peter, how'd my secret mission to Afghanistan go down with the viewers? Did you see me there with the troops? They just couldn't get over my bravery in visiting them. They felt really proud when they shook the hand of THEIR Prime Minister. Have the polls picked up for us yet?
Well Prime Minister, it's a bit too early to tell. After all it only happened yesterday.
Yes, I suppose so. Look Peter, the football kick offs are on this weekend so I want you to ring around the clubs and find out which ones would be honoured if I could do the ceremonial kick off for them. Try to get me on to the Brisbane one - that'll give Kevvy something to be smarmy about. They might just have to put the start of it back until midnight because my plane won't get there before that time. But I'm sure for the honour of my doing it then it won't be a problem. And then get me on to the official party for the Harbour Bridge celebrations. Yair, the Sydney Harbour Bridge. You're just so Melbourne Peter. Sydney Harbour Bridge. Everyone knows it. Yair, it does sound a bit ordinary doesn't it? What do you think of Howard Boulevarde? Get one of the staff to write a letter to the Editor to suggest renaming it in honour of our Greatest Prime Minister. Yair and I'll be watching the World Cup Cricket replay against Lichtenstein so let the Press Gallery know they will be able to get vision of me jumping up and down when we win. They love that sort of thing. It works well with the voters too. You should learn some of these tips Pete. Budget's coming along alright Peter is it? See you when I get back.

heff mate, how you going?

2007-03-16T09:07:00.001+09:00

Yair-no, John Howard mate, Australia. Loved the last Playboy, Heff. Yair some really top articles. Yair-no Heff, I was just calling, like, we've got a fundraiser on for me. We got a bit of a tuff election on this time. I was hoping you might be able to come over and help us out like? Yair-no, I thought if you brought over a few of your Playboy bunnies. You know, a lot of good upstanding God, Queen and Country Liberal party supporters who'd appreciatiate your business acumen if you know what I mean?
Well John dude, Seein' as y'all a good friend of our President now I wouldn't mind helping out. I could survey the Ausssie talent scene while I'm there.

I knew I had a rat in the flat

2007-03-15T11:31:00.000+09:00

when my NICE biscuits had been chewed, along with half a banana. I don't like rats - or mice or snakes. I have had to kill two snakes before for lurking around my school but I like to leave them alone. But rats and mice frighten me. As for spiders - even red backs - I like them. They are good pets and require no looking after. You go for a holiday and they have survived your absence. I like that independence and self reliance in a pet. It shows a level of maturity that dogs and cats and gold fish don't have.
So I see this rat scurry across the floor and lurk behind Robert's stuff. I leave out gumboot glue trap and poison pellets. Then one night I went upstairs to my bedroom and I see a rat scurry up over the louvres and escape through a hole in the gauze. It comes back a bit later after lights out and was trying to get back in. I banged on the louvres and it took off but I had visions of its coming back in and gnawing by ears and toes while I was sleeping.
On Tuesday afternoon I returned home and noticed a black blob near Robert's stuff. I pulled everything out away from the wall, banging boxes as I went to frighten it to go outside so I wouldn't have it running over my feet. I lifted out the last box and trapped the rat with a rake. It must have been full of rat poison as it was hardly moving. I threw it outside by means of the rake and the dogs did the rest. Then I discovered why it liked Robert's stuff - it had eaten the bees wax out of his digeridoo. I disinfected the area to remove the rat germs. That's the second one in my time here.

from the National 15th March

2007-03-15T10:56:00.000+09:00

"Tension high at Unitech
MEMBERS of the Student Representative Council (SRC) at the PNG University of Technology are stepping down as tension on the campus rise and the crisis worsens with the academic year in doubt following the resignation of over 60 national lecturers. The National Court also ordered yesterday that four leaders of the National Academic Staff Association (NASA), who are on bail be arrested again and brought to Port Moresby to face a judge for contempt. The SRC leaders have offered to resign if no solution is found to allow classes to begin on Monday. No one wants to admit it but tension is running high as panic grips the students that their academic year may be in doubt. Many of them are angry and frustrated over the delay in classes brought about by the deadlock in the negotiations between the NASA and the university council and the subsequent mass resignation of academics last Sunday. “We are urging the students to stay calm. There is panic here following NASA members’ decision to resign from their respective jobs. We the student leaders cannot say for certain what will happen on Monday, when the students find that they cannot go to classes,” one student leader said. NASA caretaker president Dr Loko Anota yesterday said they were still waiting for a response from the council on their resignation letters. Meanwhile, in Port Moresby Justice Ambeng Kandakasi issued fresh orders for the four top executives of NASA to be arrested again, and this time be detained until they are brought to Port Moresby to face him. The four were arrested last Sunday for contempt of court but released on bail, but failed to appear before Justice Kandakasi in a hearing yesterday. The four NASA executives are president Pulas Yowat, his deputy Robert Songan, secretary Raymond Bure and treasurer Gibson Tito. Lawyers explained to the judge that the four were part of the 64 staff who resigned on Sunday over the impasse with the Unitech administration, and were no longer considered staff of the university. The two disputing parties had also agreed to drop the contempt charges and that NASA members had agreed to return to classes on the condition that the current university administration was sidelined. But Justice Kandakasi said the contempt of court charges were not for the union members and the university council to deal with in their deliberations. “The issue before this court is about the contempt charges. The issue against the NASA members are now a court matter and must be dealt with in this court,” Justice Kandakasi pointed out and ordered that there be another warrant of arrest issued for the arrest of the four academics. Justice Kandakasi said the NASA executives had also breached their bail conditions when they were released. He said once the four executives were arrested they were not to be allowed bail until they are transferred to Port Moresby to appear before him."

naa it's not true, I'm much more racist

2007-03-14T10:20:00.002+09:00

than Rudd is. He's lying again. Us Libs went to war with the slopeheads in Vietnam. Us Libs went to war with the towelheads in Iraq, us Libs refuse to say sorry to the Aborigines. You can't get more racist than that. We don't take no s*** from no-one. Not even from Australian Citizen Mr David Hicks in Guantamo Gaol. Rudd is a wuss and a wimp. He's got no ticker, no spine, no nothin'. Look at me. I'm as racist as racist. The only reason the Sheik hasn't called me a racist is that he knows I'll bash him up down at the beach. He's protecting his skin. He's not afraid of Rudd because Rudd is a softy. Rudd wants to stop bombing the towelheads and shooting 'em up. Look at me though. I'm in there givin'em curry - them towelheads. They know not to mess with me. And Rudd wants to bring that towelhead-lovin' Australian Citizen Mr David Hicks home. That's not racist. He just wants to try to copy my policies. Come on Sheik, call me a racist - yair you're not game. Please, please call me a REAL racist. Rudd's only a PLASTIC racist compared to me. Please Sheik. I'll let you watch the invasion of Iran on my big screen tele at Kirribilli.

yair Brian, it's Kevin Rudd here

2007-03-14T09:56:00.001+09:00

Kev you old b*&%*. I thought you must've died. I haven't seen you for 18 months.
Yair well Brian you know how it is, self interest and all that.
Of course, don't worry about it. Self Interest is a great champion. Now how can I help.
Well we reckon we can go after the racist vote and that's where we need your help. If we can show the racists that we're more racist than Howard then we've got the election stitched up.
Yair, go on, I'm listening. Where do I come in?
Well if you could lobby Sheik Hilali and get him to denounce me as an Islamophobe, then that is more than Howard has been called. He's never been called an Islamophobe. Think of what we can do with our advertising. "Rudd is an Islamophobe: Officially denounced by the Sheik; Official - Rudd more racist than Howard." Think about it. How are the Libs going to beat that one?
That's pretty clever Kev. Listen, after the election, would you like to come and work for me?

from the National Wed 14 March

2007-03-14T09:52:00.000+09:00

"NASA members resign en masse. By PETER KORUGL.
ALL MEMBERS of the National Academic Staff have resigned en masse from their respective jobs in protest over the way they were treated by the Lae-based PNG University of Technology.Their resignations have thrown the entire 2007 academic year into doubt.Sixty-four members, from both the Taraka and Bulolo campuses, handed in their resignations to the university administration on Monday and yesterday handed copies to the University Council and the Office of Higher Education.“We were forced into doing this. We want the students to understand our action and maintain calm,” Dr Loko Anota, caretaker president of NASA said.“There is still time for the council to reconsider. There are still three more days before Monday” he said, after he and his team returned from a meeting with Ombudsman John ToGuata and Dr William Takis from the Office of Higher Education and council members.“The NASA members have resolved to collectively and individually submit their resignations to the registrar of the PNG University of Technology effective as of 10pm, Sunday, March11.“We therefore, request that all our severance benefits and entitlement be sorted out immediately,” the staff said in their letter.They wrote that “regrettably the decision was based on the fact that we have lost total confidence in the current senior executive management (SEM) and the council, hence our resignation en mass.”In the letter addressed to the registrar, they said this would have been avoided of the SEM were sidelined to allow for an independent investigation to take its course.“We have come to realise and learn today that the SEM is part of the council. NASA’s case against the SEM not only has been downplayed but that council has employed heavy handed tactics and intimidation against NASA members and executives, which are disproportionately excessive and highly traumatising for members and their families to bear.“This cannot be tolerated any more and enough is enough,” they explained in their letter.The resignations affect the 13 academic departments and the distance education program run by the university. Ten of the members have PhDs, most with masters and a few with bachelors’ degrees. All have been with Unitech for 15 years or more.Following the mass resignation, students urged the Government to intervene and get the local academics to return to classes on Monday.“The Government must step in, sidelined the senior management and bring the lecturers back to classes,” a student said. The Minister for High Education David Basua last night sent a letter, congratulating the NASA members for signing the memorandum of agreement on Monday night.Mr Basua said following the agreement, the NASA members should return to their classes.“I never signed any agreement. The minister has been misinformed,” Dr Anota said."

bless me father for I have sinned

2007-03-13T10:38:00.000+09:00

Is that you again John?
Yes Father. Father, I have to...
Wait up John. You're not going to tell me you've told more lies are you?
Well yes, as a matter of fact I was. How did you know?
John, you're reputation is such that I don't believe you when you tell me you have sinned. You've got no cred with God. He doesn't believe you when you say sorry and I don't believe you when you say you've sinned.
Oh but Father, that is so unfair. You've been got at by Rudd haven't you?
John, we've been through this before. You are even President of Liar's Anonymous, but you refuse to name your problem. Even if you did say you were a liar, no-one would believe you. You are in a bind between a rock and a hard place. Do you understand what I mean?
Yes Father.
No you don't understand do you - you have lied to me again.

the cooling towers of power stations

2007-03-13T10:32:00.000+09:00

Is it dishonest reporting or lazy or ignorant reporting? Whenever a news report on greenhouse warming and coal power stations is on, they show a picture of a cooling tower and condensing water coming out the top. That's all it is. Water vapour like you see in a cloud. It is dishonest to pass it off as smoke and yet that is the subliminal message the viewer is meant to get. Where is the smoke if all you can see is water vapour? Are the power stations not as dirty as the report want's the viewer to believe?

John darling, I can't sleep.

2007-03-13T10:20:00.000+09:00

What's up Jan, Honey?
Well it's these polls. What if we do lose? What about our overseas trips? What about staying with the Emperor? And when would we ever get into Buckingham Palace again? And the papparazzi would stop taking our photo with important people. And if we are not living at Kirribilli any more, who is going to come and see us at Wollstonecraft? I can't imagine James Packer or Rupert Murdoch going anywhere there wasn't a water view. Some of these people are just so transparent. They only come for the food and the views. It's almost as though we weren't there at all.
Oh darling, you're upsetting yourself over nothing. We'll still have George and Laura to see.
Yes but in two years they'll be nobodies as well. And they are so far on the nose with their own people we might not want to be seen with them.
Well we might just sell out of Wollstonecraft and move out to Penrith to be with the people who really love us, Howard's Battlers. I've done so much for them I think they are going to name a park in our honour. What about that? Jan? Jan? Hey honey are you alright?

John and Jan in bed

2007-03-13T09:56:00.000+09:00

John darling, I'm worried about the polls. You don't think this is the beginning of the end for us do you?
Jan my little pet, I'm worried too but I need to show a brave face. It'll be alright. I've turned things around before.
Yes but Honey, this time it seems serious. Did you notice how many people were at the airport to farewell us this time? There was such a crush. And compared to when we just came back from Indonesia there were so few welcomers. It is almost as if the people wanted us to stay away.
People are fickle darling. Even Julius Caesar recognised that. Besides I've got some tricks up my sleeve. Tony Blair said he would make me a Knight so we can be Sir John and Lady Howard and in return I will teach him how to lie and be as popular as I am.
Oh John darling, I would so love that. The very sound of it. Lady Howard. Imagine the tea parties I could have when we retire. Won't Tammy be jealous. Lady Howard requests the pleasure of the company of Mrs Tammy Fraser. Oh won't she scowl at that!
And then I'm going to move Anzac Day to the Friday before the election and that way my record as a patriot and great war time leader with military ancestry is foremost in the minds of the voters.
But won't that upset the Diggers?
No, I've told them that we need to make Anzac Day more relevant to the younger generation and so I am linking our democracy with fought for freedom, the things that Father and Grandfather fought for, to occur together. Anzac Day on the Friday and vote for Freedom and Democracy for me on the Saturday. I can just see Rudd squirming now with the indignation and another lost election for Labor.
Wouldn't it be much simpler while you've got control of Parliament to make yourself Dictator for Life? Surely all your colleagues would support that. And it is nothing less than we deserve.
Yes, I'll think about that Honey. Goodnight.

John, why do you lie?

2007-03-12T14:09:00.001+09:00

John, now listen up John willya. You gotta stop lyin' mate. It's gonna get you into trouble. Now John, this morning you told me, "The Government is not concerned about about an opinion poll predicting devastating losses for the Coalition" and then you also tell me, you cannot ignore the Government's recent poor poll results. Then you also tell me there's only one poll that counts John. Now John which one is it - that you are not concerned or that you can't ignore or there's only one poll that counts? John mate, you're gonna do damage to your crutch if you stand with legs astride a barb wire fence like that. Besides John, you gotta start accepting some blame. You're not taking this on the chin John. The punters are telling YOU something John and you are not hearing them. You said "Labor has successfully created the impression that it doesn't matter who is in Government." What are you sayin' John - that the punters are stupid and that Labor has tricked them with a prestidigitation David Wotsisname show? The 4% that decide elections are not stupid John. Mate, John, mate, you been lyin' for years. You gotter go to confession. But see even there John, I don't think you've got much cred with God either John. Go and study the 8th Commandment about not bearing false witness John. But seriously John, I think the punters are telling you they've had enough of you. If you love us so much, would you do anything for us John? You would? Then call an early election and get the hell outer here John. Oh, you don't love us that much after all. Another one of your lies John.

From the National 12 March 07

2007-03-12T11:26:00.000+09:00

"NASA 4 arrested By PETER KORUGL.
HEAVILY armed police moved into the PNG University of Technology in Lae and arrested the executives of the National Academic Staff Association (NASA) last Saturday morning as students prepared to start classes under an agreement reached between NASA and the University Council. President of NASA Pulas Yowat said last night they were in bed when police entered the campus at about 2am and arrested them and took them to the Lae Police cell. The four are Yowat, his deputy Robert Songan, treasurer Gibson Tito and secretary Raymond Bure, who were charged with contempt of court for failing to obey a court order. A judge had issued orders for their arrest last week, but police did not act on it until the early hours of Saturday morning. It is understood, armed policemen slipped into the campus to effect the arrest in the hours least expected of them to avoid such an action, provoking staff or students into violent confrontation. Each man paid a bail of K1,200 and were awaiting their court appearance, while the members of NASA were deciding the next course of action to take following the arrest of the executives. While Mr Yowat is under orders of the court not to speak to NASA members, members have appointed Dr Anota Loko as caretaker their president. Dr Loko late yesterday struck a deal with Chancellor Philip Stagg paving the way for classes to start next week.Sources said that under a memorandum of agreement (MoA) signed yesterday between Mr Stagg and Dr Loko, contempt charges against the NASA executives would be dropped. It has also been agreed that while lecturers and students start classes, the Ombudsman Commission will conduct an investigation into the allegations raised by NASA that resulted in the strike. Mr Stagg has also given his assurance that no NASA member would be terminated because of the strike, while classes start today. The Ombudsman Commission’s director of operations John ToGuata is in Lae and was involved in getting the two sides and student leaders to reach some understanding to save the academic year. Meanwhile, the situation at the Taraka campus remains tense. The National was informed that the NASA executives were restrained from taking part in any of the activities. Staff at the university said the threat by Chancellor Stagg to sack all NASA members and recruit news ones would not work as it would take up to four months to fill in all positions."

How honest would you call someone

2007-03-12T08:54:00.000+09:00

who told you they were Liberal but in actual fact were Conservative?
PM Howard is trying to stain Opposition leader Rudd as a dishonest man who has no sense of judgement. PM Howard boasts he is the most conservative PM in Australia's history but he gets himself elected as a Liberal politician. Liberal used to be about the values of people like Senator Peter Baume, Fred Chaney, Wal Fife, Andrew Peacock, Ian McFee among so many others. They were liberal and so they were in the Liberal Party which was a party for liberal people. It was not a party for socialists or conservatives or environmentalists or farmers or trade unionists. It was a political party for liberals.
But instead of starting his own party and calling it the Conservatives, the cunning little rodent has taken over the Liberal Party. He keeps the name Liberal because that has a nice warm and fuzzy image in the mind of the electorate. And this bloke has the hide to deride other people as dishonest? In the bush there used to be Butcher's Farewells for people like that: they'd shove a leg of lamb up the backside of the rogue and sool the dogs onto him. It's time the Battlers' Friend was given a Butcher's Farewell.

PM is released from Prison

2007-03-12T08:44:00.000+09:00

Gaoler: Righto Brown, you're free to go. Sign here.
PM: Good day and good riddance and no thanks at all.
Police Officer standing in waiting: One moment please PM.
PM: Oh good, I am still recognised by somebody. Yes, you have a Commonwealth Car to take me back to Kirribilli?
Police Officer: No, I am arresting you for avoiding custody. Return this man to gaol.
PM: But but but this is outrageous. You can see I have just come out of custody. I have served one day sentence which the judge prescribed.
Police Officer: No, Bill Brown served one day. John Howard has been on the run. Lock him away for one day original sentence and one day for avoiding lawful custody.
Gaoler: Yair, what's you name?

Prime Minister arrives at Long Bay Gaol

2007-03-12T08:34:00.000+09:00

Yair, what's your name?
PM to himself thinks: "Oh the ignominy and shame of it all. My life's career has come to this. What will the family think to have our name besmirched in the register of common criminals?"
PM to Gaoler says: You know who I am.
Listen arsehole, what's your expletive deleted name?
PM replies: Bill Brown.
Gaoler: Is that your real name?
PM: It's the name I gave you.
Gaoler: Lock him up. Give him a set of prison clothes. Let him have Fred Nirks' old ones - he'd only worn then for a couple days before his release. Next! What's your name....

"In the Matter of Hicks versus the Prime Minister

2007-03-12T08:06:00.000+09:00

I find in favour of the Plaintiff, Citizen of Australia, Mr David Hicks. The Defendant the Prime Minister is sentenced to one day in gaol. The shame and the ignominy otherwise serve as sufficient retribution for your reckless lack of appreciation of what Citizenship of Australia means. Take the Defendent to prison."
But, but but Your Honour, can I just say farewell to darling Janette?
Very well, you have one minute.
Oh John Darling. You know who is behind this. That dreadful Rudd man. You really haven't been yourself since he got in. Voters have become so course and vulgar, they do not deserve you. Very well, let them have Rudd and they will soon come imploring you to be their Leader once again. Think Kim Jong Il, think Saddam Hussein, think Mao Tse Dung, think Yasser Arafat, think Fidel Castro. All beloved by their people. I love you my darling hunk, beloved Prime Minister of my Bed and esteemed Custodian of the Bountiful Welfare of the People of Australia. Always remember Darling, the People adore you for your economic policies. Fair Daffodil, I weep to see you haste away so soon."

The Monk and the Cardinal

2007-03-09T08:49:00.000+09:00

I think it was about the time of the last Federal Election in Australia and there was some allegation of Tony Abbot's meeting with the Cardinal George Pell - not that I could see anything wrong with that. But he was asked and asked and he denied and denied that such a meeting ever took place. And then on Lateline one night the presenter guy says to Tony, "Well what would you say if I've got a witness who claims that such a meeting took place last week?" Tony did not look pleased - "Oh yes I do remember now" - and after the interview he suggested to the presenter guy that he would remember being embarrassed for being caught out, in such a way that concrete boots, mafia and disappearnace should not be far from the presenter's sleep that night.

from the National 9th March

2007-03-09T08:39:00.000+09:00

"Unitech uproar By FRANK RAIANGRY
Unitech students went on a rampage yesterday over remarks by a university council member that they had nothing to do with the stand-off between striking academic staff and the administration.Reports yesterday that police had moved in and arrested executives of the striking National Academic Staff Association could not be verified last night.The pent-up frustrations of students came to the fore as they hurled stones, bottles, sticks and other projectiles into the main administration building shattering class windows and walls. University council members and other VIPs, who attended the forum to address the students, had to be ushered into the safety of the building by university security guards as student leaders tried to calm down their charges. A forum was called outside the administration building, which houses the Vice-Chancellor Misty Baloiloi’s office, the university council room and pro-vice chancellors’ offices. The students demanded during the forum for the Baloiloi-administration to step aside immediately to allow NASA to return to work so they could attend classes. No classes have held over the last two weeks due to the NASA grievances.NASA members are on strike to press for a full-scale investigation into alleged mismanagement and other issues. The allegations have not been investigated since first raised last year. Instead the university administration went to court and sought court orders for staff to return to classes and for police to move in and arrest the executives of NASA.Concerned over adverse impact on students’ academic life, the students’ representative council led by acting president Cathy Magalu led a delegation to Port Moresby last weekend to seek intervention from the Office of Higher Education and the Minister for Higher Education David Basua but returned on Wednesday without any positive response and organised yesterday’s forum for students to hear it first hand from council members. When addressing the students, one of the council members, Mr Chris Alu, told about 2,000 anxious students they had nothing to do with the dispute which provoked them into shouting; “shut up, shut up” and that’s when students lost their cool. Some students swore at the council members and hurled missiles at them and as the VIPs including Mr Baloiloi and Chancellor Philip Stagg were ushered into the safety of the building, the students pelted the walls and windows with rocks. Police were already on campus but kept their distance and watched as the students ran riot. Some students, who were sympathetic to the administration, also challenged the angry students which almost ended up in an all-out brawl among the two groups.Some shouted and demanded for Mr Baloiloi’s suspension.Some senior students and the SRC leaders appealed for calm and brought the students under control. They re-gathered at the same venue and were addressed by Chancellor Stagg, who told them that the suspension of the administration was non-negotiable. This brought on another round of angry and abusive remarks from the students.Students approached by The National right after the uproar and said they were provoked by the negative remarks made by the council member.The students said they had paid the fees and should be in class but this was not the case as they waited patiently for two weeks for a resolution to the NASA-Unitech dispute but the administration was too stubborn and was using the courts to protect itself.They said the council had not dealt with the issues raised by NASA and that had prolonged the strike.“It is not fair when expatriate staff is teaching and their students are attending classes. Some of us are not in classes so it is better to suspend all classes and we all resume at the same time,” a student leader said.Police and security guards employed by the university were on full alert in case the forum got out of hand. Police mobile squads were stationed at the main gate all morning and movement of traffic and people into the campus was stopped while the meeting was in progress.Metropolitan police commander, Chief Inspector Simon Kauba urged the students to maintain calm on campus and wait for positive outcomes from the authorities.Mr Kauba said movement of people and traffic in and out of the campus would be allowed to continue as normal."

from the National 8th March

2007-03-08T14:55:00.000+09:00

"University in turmoil. By FRANK RAI and JULIA DAIA-BORE.
THE University of Technology in Lae is headed for turmoil with court orders for police to move onto the campus today and arrest executives of striking National Academic Staff Association (NASA) members.The 100-plus academic staff, over a day-long barbeque at the university yesterday, pledged to offer themselves to be arrested as a group.Meanwhile, the Students Representative Council (SRC) leaders led by acting president Cathy Magalu returned to Lae yesterday after unsuccessful talks with the Commissioner of Higher Education Simon Kenehe, director of the Office of Higher Education Dr William Tagis, Chancellor of the University of Technology Philip Stagg and Minister for Higher Education David Basua. If no resolution is reached by today, the SRC representatives would resign en-mass and let the university administration deal directly with the whole student body. “If this happens, it can easily get out of hand because there are lot of radicals among the students who are already very angry about the situation,” a senior university official warned last night. An open forum is expected to be held at about 11am in front of the Vice-Chancellor Misty Baloiloi’s office today, where students would seek an immediate resolution to the crisis. Several members of the governing council of Unitech flew to Lae yesterday along with Mr Stagg and are expected to address the student body at the forum. Ms Magalu told The National last night they were not taking sides with either the university administration or NASA. “We just want to get back into classes. It is really unfair to us; we paid to come to classes only to find that we are being victimised,” she said.She said she and her SRC executives had decided to resign from their positions if the matter is not resolved by today. She said their meeting with Mr Basua wasn’t helpful as the minister said he could not do anything while the matter was in court. He also said the university was governed by an act of Parliament but he said he would express his concerns to Chancellor Philip Stagg. Among the points raised by the students is for the administration to stand down pending an investigation so that staff could return to normal duties. NASA members are on strike over allegations of mismanagement and want the Baloiloi-administration to stand down. The National Court in Waigani yesterday ordered the immediate arrest and detainment of the four executives of NASA after they defied a previous order to return to classes by 8am on Monday. It is understood this order will be affected today when police in Lae move into the campus to arrest NASA president Pulas Yowat, his deputy Robert Songan, and secretary Raymond Bure and treasurer Gibson Tito. Justice Ambeng Kandakasi said one would hope that as true Papua New Guineans, NASA members would consider the welfare of the innocent students. “Instead, we are bleeding the country, when we should be thinking of what we can do for our country than what our country can do for us,” Justice Kandakasi remarked when ordering the arrest of the executives. Mr Yowat told The National yesterday that they had expected that decision and were prepared to face the consequences. “All along, we were saying that we were prepared to go to jail. If it so happens that we are arrested, we will go to jail,” Mr Yowat said."

So that's what this Laming bloke

2007-03-08T09:28:00.000+09:00

in Queensland has been up to. He's been squirrelling away his electoral allowance for stamps and printing so he has a big spending cache when it comes time for the election. He will have $67 000 printing credits. Anyone else who wants to contest his seat will have to fund their own printing costs but Laming will have his funded by the taxpayer. Such is democracy. Land of the free, home of the brave. But innocent, completely innocent of course until proven guilty in a court of law. Sort of like Australian Citizen, Mr David Hicks, completely innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Democracy, wonderful thing. We should bomb it into the Iranians and North Koreans. I wonder why we are not bombing it into the Zimbabweans? We're too soft. The Roman Emperors would have none of this. Those Gauls and Celts and Germani and Parthians they learnt obedience. Ah for the olden days.

Eric the Merciless

2007-03-08T09:11:00.000+09:00

the lookalike of the Kremlin guy Alexander Putin now President, but once upon a time NKVD or KGB officer, used to be Special Minister of State for Electoral Affairs - code name for Boss in charge for keeping PM Howard in Office.
He held an "enquiry" about electoral funding and other election matters. One particular submission was that people who were not Members of Parliament but who were contesting the election had to resign from their job and get no income, they had to answer their mobile or home phone themselves, they had to buy their accommodation in pubs as they moved around the electorate, they had to buy stationery and printing supplies, they had to buy stamps and pay for phone calls, they had to buy petrol to put in their car, they had to make bookings for halls, they had to buy breakfast, lunch and dinner. On the other hand, a Member of Parliament who was recontesting his seat kept his office and staff. The staff answered his phone, booked accommodation, rang up to book meeting halls. The office paid for stamps and phone calls. The electoral allowance paid for petrol, meals and accommodation.
"Yair, so what? What's wrong with that?" says Eric the Merciless. "This is a democracy. People are free to stand for election if they want. They just have to pay, not like us sitting members."

"I am innocent, completely innocent

2007-03-08T08:58:00.000+09:00

- until proven guilty."
"Yair, yair, tell that to the judge. Next guilty man who wants to declare his innocence step up now or forever hold your peace. Come one, come all. Innocence declarations heard now. Come and declare your innocence now. Oh yea oh yea!"

How interesting it is to hear how the innocent until he is proven guilty protestations are coming from all and sundry in the Liberal Party now that one or two of their own have been caught out in dodgy financial affairs/scandals/-gates. "Just remember innocent until proven guilty is the hallmark of our democratic way of life here in Australia, land of the brave and home of the free."

Forgive me I'm sure but does that apply to Mr David Hicks, Citizen of Australia prisoner in Gautamo Gaol for five years without trial?

Oh well it would, but he's in USA and they have different standards to us. God bless America, the home of the brave.

The State of Gravity. Or is it Graveness?

2007-03-08T07:12:00.000+09:00

The seriousness of a political issue can be judged by how quickly it is tagged as "-gate." So far the business over Rudd and Burke is merely an "affair". When more mud is thrown and Saint Kevin begins to look more like The Blessed Kevin than fully canonised, the business becomes a scandal. By the time Tony and Peter and Eric the Merciless have finished with him and The Blessed Kevin now is drowning in a 3rd world pig sty of muck, the business can then be referred to as "Burke-gate". By which time St Kevin has become so wretched he is referred to simply as Mr Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister.
(from the Canterbridge New Dictionary of Journalese, 2007. p 456)

Memo: Members of the Press Gallery

2007-03-08T06:59:00.000+09:00

The Prime Minister has noted the lack of quality journalism emanating the Canberra Gallery and to assist you with your journalistic efforts is kind enough to advise of the following functions for this week.
Monday, 8pm. PM watches replay of the historic 1948 Ashes series starring Sir Donald Bradman. PM advises he will jump out of his seat to provide a photo opportunity.
Tuesday, 8pm. PM watches replay of the historic 1956 Davis Cup final starring Lew Hoad and Ken Rosewall. PM will leap out of his seat and punch the air.
Wednesday, 8pm. PM watches replay of the opening of the 1956 Melbourne Olympic Games. PM will raise both hands when Menzies opens the Games.
Thursday, 8pm. PM watches of replay of Moon landing 1969. PM swings on ceiling fans at this triumph of American imperialism.
Friday. 8pm. PM watches replay of 1953 coronation of Queen Elizabeth. PM blesses himself when the Archbishop of Canterbury blesses the Queen.

Please make arrangements at the Press Office for your attendance and to pick up your passes. All viewings will be in the TV room at The Lodge.

Signed
S. Gordon Comequickly.
Press Officer.

Emergency Meeting, Liberal Party Room

2007-03-07T14:12:00.000+09:00

PM: Colleagues, I don't need to tell you that mud fight against Rudd left us looking stupid and we know who to blame don't we Peter. Some future PM you're going to be - and a long way into the future unless you pull your head in.
Peter: Sorry PM. It won't happen again.
PM: So here's the plan. From now on Eric is gunna be in charge of mud throwing. He's very slippery and you all should learn from him. We're going to get back to basics and do the things I'm good at. Let's just go through my strengths again. Yes Tony, the first thing I'm good at is?
Tony: Lying. You are an excellent liar PM.
PM: Yes I know that but that's not what I mean. I mean Prime Ministerial things I'm good at. Alexander, you have a go.
Alexander: You know how to appeal to bogans and cricket yobbos?
PM: Yes, yes I know but classy things I'm good at. The boy that just got sacked - Ian, you have a go.
Ian: You show great enthusiasm when Australia wins at sport PM.
PM: Well done, that's good. Yes Julie?
Julie: You are very popular with the troops coming home? And you bless yourself well in Church?
PM: Yes, yes but just one at a time Julie. But that's very positive and encouraging Julie thank you. Yes Brendan?
Brendan: You are a great war-time leader PM?
PM: There we have it you see. I do have a lot of positive strengths. More than Rudd anyway. Squeaky voiced johnny come lately. I think I'm taller than him aren't I? Anyway, here's the plan. I need more photo ops with the troops coming home. Brendan, that was your idea so you look after that. Julie, go through the death notices and find someone important who's died so I can go to the funeral and bless myself. Not one like that Rocker who died and only had a concert. It has to be a Church funeral. Preferably Catholic where they dress up. Oh and see if you can get on to the Surfing Championships organisers and let them know I'd be avaiable to present the medals. That's it. Back to work everybody.

I have been a great believer

2007-03-06T12:55:00.000+09:00

that having shat in Iraq's kitchen we should not leave until we have cleaned up our mess. I mean just have a look at the place - it was nothing like that four years ago when Saddam Hussein, cruel man that he was, was running it. We have good reason to feel guilty and to feel morally obliged to repair what we have destroyed. But I liken the situation to that of the drunken dinner guest who is nauseous at the table. He feels guilty and very embarrassed and he tries to clean up his mess with his serviette but manages only to spread it further and into the lap of his host while knocking over the crystal glasses and a bottle of champagne. "Oh, for God's sake just leave it," he is told. "I will call you a taxi. It has been nice of you to come. Good night."

Some things like Iraq cannot be made better no matter the guilt and the noble intentions to make reparations. We should have thought of that beforehand. The time has come for Iraq to call us a taxi.

the market at Wewak

2007-03-06T09:49:00.000+09:00

Kevin Who

2007-03-06T09:29:00.000+09:00

has become in the space of a week someone of such note that PM Howard has seen it necessary to throw mud at him. The irony is that had PM Howard left him alone, he would have faded like a supernova to a white dwarf by the time of the election.
I just loved that picture of the lying little rodent yesteday waving his Akubra to an imaginary crowd of well wishers.
When things are going well they compound. When things go badly, as they are for the PM Howard, he goes from bad to worse. What sort of judgement did he have in sacking a minister for getting in the way of mud throwing, and for being an inconvenient truth? A correct judgement would have been for Costello to apologise to Parliament: "Mr Speaker, I was wrong to attribute moral and political misjudgement on the basis of meeting with Mr Brian Burke. I realise that Mr Burke has served his time and as Christianity preaches, he should be forgiven, as I forgive him. Like Mr Prosser and Senator Campbell and many other worthy businessmen, the Leader of the Opposition should have nothing to fear by meeting with Mr Burke. Mr Speaker, I ask that my apology be accepted by the House."

As cunning as a shit house rat.

2007-03-06T07:56:00.000+09:00

I hope no-one writes that as an epitaph for my life. I could tolerate lazy and conceited and incompetent, but I hope I am not cunning - that would be too much to bear.

PM JohnHoward is possibly the best politician in the world today. He possibly even ranks up there with Tricky Dicky Nixon of the USA - in fact, he might even surpass him. Pres Bush of USA and PM Blair of UK are tarnished as a result of Iraq but Howard scrapes kudos for being seen over there. War time leader. That looks so good on the CV of political history. Even Gough Whitlam and Malcolm Fraser could not claim War time leader on their CVs. Billy Hughes (WW1); John Curtin (WW2); Menzies (Korea); Wotsisname Holt, Gorton and MacMahon (Vietnam); Hawke (Iraq); and Howard (Iraq).

Best Politician is in the same category as best cheat, most successful thief, greatest con-man, biggest hypocrite, finest art fraud, cleverest forger.

The problem for Australia is that the bogans who control the political outcomes in Australian elections see superlatives as something to be admired. It is why they worship people like Ned Kelly. They can't distinguish between the superlative and the quality it is qualifying. They hear "best politician" and they think this must be an admirable quality. PM Howard, as cunning as a shit house rat, exploits them and they love it.

Hey, it works!

2007-03-06T07:51:00.000+09:00

After being off line for exactly a month now my blog seems to work. The desktop is a little bit different but I posted something. Now it remains to be seen whether it stays on the blog site. Someother stuff just seems to have vanished into cyber space. Has anybody noticed any spare Outback to Jungle blogs hiding in their computers?

Senator Jesus Campbell

2007-03-06T07:34:00.000+09:00

the man who laid down his ministerial portfoloio for the salvation of the Howard prime ministership. I believe! I see the truth! He Lives! He lives! Senator Jesus Campbell lives today! I have faith. Oh Senator Jesus Campbell, I believe. Help thou mine unbelief!

Blessed assurance too by Holy Spirit Treasurer Costello that Senator Jesus Campbell, the man who was morally and politically compromised by his 20 minute meeting with ex-crook Brian Burke, will have so atoned for his sin that his state of moral and political compromise will expire after the election. Such is the unfailing power of forgiveness. However, no such forgiveness for Satan Kevin Rudd. He is just too wicked and evil and morally and politically compromised. Besides, Senator Jesus Campbell did not lay down his ministry for All mankind, only for the Chosen Ones. I believe! I believe! He lives!

market on the way in to town

2007-02-06T14:31:00.000+09:00

General David Hicks meets General bin Laden

2007-02-06T13:54:00.000+09:00

General David Hicks (practicing his Arabic): Mohammed, laksha e toiba, Abraham, Ali Baba, nine eleven, algebra, alchemy, Aldebaran, camel.
General bin Laden (practicing his English): It is good to see you too General Hicks.
General Hicks: One two three four five, six seven eight nine ten.
General Laden: Thank you General you are too kind. You must tell me your battle plans and please do not hesitate to ask me for any resources you need to crush the infidel.
General Hicks: Petrol, oil, Sheik Hilali, pyramid, oasis, desert, harem, belly dancer, flying carpet.
General Laden: Yes indeed, that sounds like a fine plan. These Americans are going to rue the day that they dared to think they could outsmart us.

when did they say that?

2007-02-06T13:34:00.000+09:00

"Foreign Minister Alexander Downer and Attorney-General Philip Ruddock said they wanted the case dealt with "expeditiously and fairly" and would maintain pressure on the Americans."

Australian Citizen Mr David Hicks has been in Guantamo Gaol for over five years and just today those two great defenders of all things Australian, like mateship and sticking up for Australia and Australians no matter what side of the track they are from nor of their circumstances, those great upholders and promoters of democracy and equality before the law and the rule of law, those advocates of justice and fair trial, those two proud Australian men have come out gallantly on behalf of one of their own, Australian Citizen Mr David Hicks. It is so stirring, bear with me for yea I am brought to tears by their love of country and fellow Australians. I am sorry, I should not get so emotional, but this is something to get emotional about. For five years they looked on pitilessly and now the polls have have turned we see their true colours - proud Australians both whose patriotism has been strengthened in the cauldron of the turning tide of public opinion. I love them both, hoist them up high, cheer, clap, salute, bow down before their integrity. How are the mighty risen up. All hail Alexander and Philip! Join your namesakes of yore! All hail! Mighty men both! We weep to see lesser mortals but for these two brave noble men let them today be declared immortal!

Liberal PM Howard's intentions were honorable

2007-02-06T10:14:00.001+09:00

that the consequences for invading Iraq should be such as to bring the most happiness to the greatest number. His intention was to find the WMD's and get out of there. His intention was not to do regime change - see his speech to Parliament about Feb/Mar 2003 - or was it his speech to the National press Club of about the same time.
So where does utilitarianism of the founders of liberalism as a moral philosophy stand when the intentions do not accord with the results?
These people are in a boat in the middle of the ocean and the only way the greatest number will survive is to eat one of them. Greatest happiness for the greatest number? Or is there another moral imperative - do what you do such that you would will that action to be done to oneself. When you elect to eat someone to save yourself you cease to act as a moral being. The greatest happiness in the boat in the ocean case is that all may die but at at least all die with the happiness that their integrity as human moral beings was intact.
Still a liberal in the Bentham-Mill definition - or anything but? So why retain the name liberal? Because it is an established brand name. Why not be honest and not misuse the good name of liberalism?

I don't know what is happening

2007-02-06T07:51:00.000+09:00

here but I read this in the National yesterday I think it was:

"UOG has a job to do, says Mel.
THE University of Goroka is an important institution that has to keep its programmes going despite challenges and impediments. At a gathering held at the Dr Mark Solon Auditorium, acting Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Mel thanked the university staff and other personnel for holding the institution together during the management crisis last year. Dr Mel said the university had a job to do and it was leaving the issues on governance for the court to resolve and get on with the day to day running of the institution. “It is very important to keep the programmes going,” he said. Dr Mel revealed the university this year would start to see major changes in programme developments."

the size of a pawpaw

2007-02-06T07:41:00.000+09:00

power blackout just after hours

2007-02-06T07:39:00.000+09:00

yesterday was reason enough to shut up shop and go home. I hadn't eaten lunch so I made two sandwiches of cheese, avocado and tomato and then settled back to do an electronic sudoku. I've got some French that I ought to be studying but I felt lazy. For dinner I cooked up some rump steak in the thick based fry pan with an egg. That was starters. Later I boiled up some kaukau, potatoes, carrot, beans and pumpkin and ate that with margerine. I don't think that is a good diet but it tasted nice anyway. For breakfast this morning I had baked beans on toast. I took some out to Peter and Joseph with a cup of tea and I gave them some milo type powder which is too sweet for me. Keela is now coming Monday and Thursday which is a better arrangement - I can have a party on the Sat night and only have to live with the mess for one day. I must try to have my first party for the year this weekend.

the beauty of PNG is everywhere

2007-02-06T07:36:00.000+09:00

trying hard not to be perceived as racist

2007-02-05T14:39:00.000+09:00

Being the best person you can be without comparison and feeling the need to shake off the baggage you think others have saddled you with. I saw too many try hards coming to the bush from the enlightened liberal value universities and cities wanting to establish their goodness and enlightenment among the aboriginal people of outback Australia as if the rest of us were unenlightened bogans. Big mistake. If you have to build yourself up by knocking your ancestry or cultural heritage down then you misunderstand the nature of racism. All you are doing is hiding your embarrassment by big noting yourself in comparison to others. You end up a relativist rather than an absolutist.
Racism is about attributing socially relevant traits such as manners, human relationships etc to people on the basis of physically and other irrelevant traits such as skin colour or religion or gender etc.
The harder you try to be not perceived as racist, the more you miss the point of trying to be the best person you can be. This is what being absolute is about. When you try to be the best person you can be then you do not make the mistake of patronising the very people you are trying hard to demonstrate your non racism to. Patronising itself is a form of racism because it sees the other as different rather than as a person.

mo' info'mation, mo'info'mation

2007-02-05T14:35:00.000+09:00

I got this seemingly cryptic comment on a blog the other day: "Blarry expats, sounds like the ones that hang around the Yacht Club in Moresby." I can't work it out. Please explain?

I went into the Commercial one day

2007-02-05T13:56:00.000+09:00

not long after I had been involved in politics and one of the drinkers started talking politics to me. There was a new publican there from the last time I had been to this pub and he comes up to me and tells me to cut it out mate we don't talk politics here. This was in my town, this bloke I was talking to was someone I knew and he was the one who had started quizing me about politics. It was not I who brought the subject up. We were talking harmlessly. But this new publican knew the other bloke but he didn't know me as I was not one of his regular blow flies so he was laying down the law to make himself look tough and impress on me that HE was the landlord of the Bogans. Maybe he thought politics was too high brow and it would frighten the bogans away if any of them should hear me.
There is something of the same sort of mentality about David Hicks alive in bogan land. Thick-wits like the landlord like to encourage people to demonstrate that they have no brains and that this is a peaceable and happy state to be in and that drinking more beer will help keep you in this treasured state.
"David Hicks is a terrorist, he'd shoot your mother and rape your wife and blow up your children. You should think about that before you go spruiking sympathetic nonsense. I thought you had more sense. The best place for him is at the end of a rope."
You would think that PM Howard and ministers Ruddock and Downer would be interested in trying to readdress the injustice of this case as is appropriate for a mature sophisticated nation but instead their words and actions are those of bogans.

summer of cricket's nightmare

2007-02-05T12:00:00.000+09:00

Hello, Cricket Australia, James Sutherland here.
Listen up you f wit. It's James Packer here. What's happened to this advertiser's dream summer of cricket you promised me you @#$% goose? I've had to buy in more @#$%Days of our lives and *&^% repeats to make up for the empty slots when the pommies got out. I paid you for five &^%$ days of cricket and at best you gave me four. The other night I bought 100 overs of cricket and you gave me 54. Look at the numbers for the tennis - Channel Seven is laughing all the way to the bank while I'm stuck with you lot. My programming costs have gone through the *&^% roof. You've breached your contract. Who's going to pay you to programme your %$^& games next year? My advertisers have dropped out. You tell me smart arse what advertiser is going to advertise for space on day five at the cricket. Naar, You listen clever dick, I want my money back.

register now for the chance to purchase

2007-02-05T11:35:00.000+09:00

tickets to the most almighty scintillating, titillating, electric, surreal, unreal, nucear, cataclysmic, apoplectic, apocalyptic cricket series to end all series. This is the most hugely anticipated cricket series you are ever likely to see. Forget last summer against the pommies, this one is really really humungously ginormously marathonly ultra-ultra-huge. The biggest cricketing nation in the world against the all conquering champion most-loved hero-worshipped adored advertiser's dream aussies. This time it's the truth. This series is so big you have to pre register to go in a ballot to determine if you can get tickets. Don't be the one to regret it. Don't be the one with no memories of the big one to tell your grand children. Don't be a loser. Day Five tickets will be at such a premium we can even arrange a mortgage to enable you to get a ticket. Warning: late ticket buyers should expect they will be rationed to watching one session only. Make no mistake. This series is big. Get in early, part with your money. This time the series is so big tickets are to be sold on a per session basis. The premium session is session 3 day five. Be early and buy at a discount. Register for the right to buy at a discount. One billion Indians can't be wrong. They have already brought all the tickets and there are only two left for aussies. You can be one of them to say you were there on the day history was made. Give me your money. Make me happy.

i can't find the ones I'm looking for

2007-02-05T11:20:00.000+09:00

opening presents

2007-02-05T11:13:00.000+09:00

christmas time

2007-02-05T11:01:00.000+09:00

if I called myself a liberal

2007-02-05T08:47:00.000+09:00

and stood for the liberal party, you would expect I would be a liberal and not a conservative or a socialist. I think that would be reasonable. I think Bentham and Mill were the founders of liberalism as a political statement and their liberalism included consequentialism of moral actions - that an action was morally right if it had good consequences leading to happiness; and morally wrong if it had consequences leading to unhappiness.
So what does that say about intentions? It was all very well to have the intention of bringing about good consequences for Iraqi people as a result of the Iraq war but things went pear shaped. Was this not foreseen? 6 billion people around the world minus the supporters of the coalition of the willing (300m Yanks; 60m Brits; 20 m Aussies; some Poles and assorted others) could see the consequences would not be good. Were the liberals pig-headed or just stupid?
So what should be done about Zimbabwe? Whose responsibility is it to do anything? I drove past a hold up the other day and didn't do anything. Doesn't matter. I didn't know the victims anyway. Why lose sleep over it? All those Iraqis dying in their own country. Doesn't matter. Our intentions were honourable. That makes it OK.

I had not been on a PMV for 2 months

2007-02-05T08:38:00.000+09:00

so I set out yesterday morning for lotu about 8am. Thoughts of crowding at the PMV stop and waiting for 30 minutes or so and pushing people aside don't make for pleasant PMV travelling but I got the first PMV that came along. Same thing on the way home - with thoughts of pick pockets waiting for me at Eriku. I got off the town bus and saw two Kamkumung PMVs and then sort of a crush of people at a PMV that had just pulled up and I knew that it was the Unigate bus. Anyway I caught it no problem. Walking home from the PMV stop carrying my groceries in the heat was the worst part of the trip so I had a shower and then settled down to do nothing for the rest of the day until I went around for dinner in the evening.

my first hold up experience

2007-02-05T08:26:00.000+09:00

we were driving in to do the banking on Friday about 3pm and I could see this white car pulled up outside Pikus Club with four guys holding what looked like sticks and I thought the car had broken down. I thought my passenger told me it was her friend so I went to slow down but she said hold up hold up go speed go speed. I accelerated as much as I could but the truck was slow to pick up. I kept looking in the mirror but it seemed like their hand guns weren't pointed our way and my other passenger in the back seat said they didn't have bullets otherwise they would have fired. I remember thinking I would have been more alarmed if they had been holding rifles as the aim could have been more accurate and that's what I was looking for to see if the weapons were being brought up for sighting aim. I hope that's as close as I have to come to being held up. As for the poor people in the white car? Not my problem. Well it is I know but what should I have done?

lamb in the crock pot.

2007-02-05T08:09:00.000+09:00

A leg of lamb done in the crock pot. I went around to alex and Jonika on Sat night. We had been talking on the Friday about the new slow cooker that Roger had given Alex for Christmas and I was saying how I used one all the time - cooks beautiful baked dinners - doesn't dry out the meat like conventional oven baking - cooks pork particularly well - just cut off the crackle and oven bake it as normal but cook the meat in the crock pot. Very nice.
Anyway the the lamb on Sat night. Slow cooked with spices and veges. Other kaukau and pumpkin baked in conventional oven. Some very nice dark home brew. Very good company. Very nice.

my new fridge

2007-02-05T08:04:00.000+09:00

The old one had been threatening to die on me before I left. I think the seals had hardened and weren't working properly as the freezer chamber used to fill up with ice and freeze the door shut. Anyway I turned it on last wednesday and the freezer seemed to be ok but the fridge chamber wasn't working at all. I sort of had to prop the door closed with a mop as the door seemed to be not closing tight. So on Friday the maintenance guys shifted Vivien's fridge into my place and they'll check out the other one to see if gas might be the problem. Very nice.

a paradox, that's what i was thinking of

2007-02-02T11:45:00.000+09:00

Lae, so wet, you would not think there could be dust. But I came back to my house on Wednesday and the floors are just dusty. My haus meri came today - she was supposed to come yesterday and didn't and Joseph knew where she lived in West Taraka so he told her I was back when he went home from finishing night shift this morning. I forgot all about getting something for Peter and Joseph from Brisbane airport.
The fridge isn't working properly - freezer is going but the lower cabinet isn't. I killed six big cockroaches last night and this morning. There was one desiccated mouse under the lounge. Three or so sets of clothes and contracted mildew so I had to soak them in bleach. The floors are dusty and my feet are dirtier from walking around inside the haus - you can see my footprints up and down the stairs. I caught the balus bus in from Nadzab on Wednesday and it just stopped at about the 20 mile - half way in. We pushed it for a bit and bus cru were apologetic particularly to me the only wait man so I assured them liklik samting, noken wori. Finally we pushed it in reverse and it went. I bought groceries yesterday - K173.

I can because I can

2007-02-02T10:40:00.000+09:00

and you can't stop me. Being smug about things must be one of the ugliest of human conditions. We can win at cricket because we can and there is no-one to stop us. Ricky Ponting's snide backhander to the whinging pom about our gracelessness and arrogance. Winning an election in the face of an unelectable and hapless opposition. Picking a war using advanced space technology against an army clothed in joggers and throwing stones and Molotov cocktails. Foreign Minister Downer's being happy to look in to allegations by Australian Citizen Mr David Hicks about mistreatment. All good reasons to be smug I suppose. Smart-arse is how the smugness is perceived.
There is the drunk who doesn't know when to cut his losses. Ahh you're a loser mate. Smash goes the fist into his nose and blood spurts and leaks from his nostril. That didn't hurt - try again if you're game. Smash goes the fist into the mouth and blood and a couple teeth wobble out. I've got me pride - betcha can't beat me pride. Why bother? The drunk has already lost his pride. So why would Ponting want to lay the boot in? The merciful thing for England would be to forfeit. The gracious thing for Australia to do would be to field its 3rd Eleven. England were never going to win. To play a 3rd eleven is not an insult but an acceptance of reality. Why be smug?

the cricket

2007-02-02T08:37:00.000+09:00

I s'pose all us aussies are happy now we have cat o'nine tailed them pommies. Goodness knows what hyperbole the advertisers are going to use next year when India comes out for a four test series. If this recent Ashes series was the series to end all series, the most anticipated cricket match since the dawn of civilisation, then how do you get the crowds in next year? We were sold a dummy this time, am I going to buy another used car off the same salesman?
I would love to have been proved wrong. I kept my money and didn't buy a ticket. But I've got no sympathy for the suckers who paid for a 100 overs game the other night in Perth and went home after about 50 overs. The emperor never had any clothes on when he left Heathrow at the end of October. How on earth you expected him to get a full wardrobe for 16 players in the space of a 24 hour trip leaves me astounded that we try to kid ourselves about the "clever country."
Australia is just too good. But this is no good for international cricket. We are arrogant too. There was no need for Ponting to add his snide comment to the poor pommie whinging about our arrogance. Leave him be. Say nothing. He's lost his pride, what more do you want to take from him Ricky?

at best, at worst

2007-02-02T08:13:00.000+09:00

A letter in the Australian wrote, "the claims made are at best disingenuous, at worst deceitful." On the one hand it is encouraging that writers like this do not go overboard with hyperbole and make an at worst statement such as "at worst the end of civilisation as we know it". It is good to balance the "at best, at worst" contrast but often I look at the "at worst" argument and wonder - so? Is that all? Why bother oneself over that!
Should the Americans withdraw from Iraq? What is an "at best, at worst" scenario? At best we can save American lives, at worst we can lose face? At worst we can leave Iraq to the terrorists? At worst we can leave Iraq in the too hard basket? At worst we can abandon Iraqis to civil war?
Clearly the stupidity of the original decision to go to war with Iraq is biting George on the bum and now he wants others to get the ants out of his pants for him. George, we told you it was a stupid idea but you went ahead anyway. Unfortunately, the coalition of the willing has no other choice. It can't just shit in the kitchen and not clean up the mess.

what if every country had the same rights

2007-02-02T07:56:00.000+09:00

to pollution and extinction? Industrialised nations have been polluting the planet for over 200 years now. China and India have been overpopulating the planet. Brazil has been deforesting the planet. What if the Chinese and Indians thumbed the world and polluted it at the same rate as the already westernised countries, would we be justified in putting sanctions on them and bombing them to get them to comply with us? I assume I am part of the us and we who tell the rest of the world how to behave? What gives me that right? I am part of the culture that the them and they aspire to - them and they want to migrate to the lands of the we and us; not too many of the we and us want to migrate to the lands of the they and them. Is this an argument for anything? If the lifestyle of the we and us is sought after by the they and them, that does not necessarily give moral rights. So where does this leave people who are on the fringes, caught in a half way world of development and tradition?

"beware the fury of a patient man." - Dryden

2007-02-01T13:46:00.001+09:00

the desk calendar saying for 8-9 September. I like that. I wonder if I am patient? I left Brisbane on Tuesday about 11am and got to PM about 2pm. By 3pm I was at the Lamana hotel where I watched the cricket. I had a nice piece of barramundi at the restaurant for dinner. I should have remebered Kevin's phone and stayed out at the PM city mission. I'll try to remember for next time. I was booked on the 4pm flight on Wednesday to Lae but I went to the airport early to try to get on the noon flight. Too full. Just check I am on the 4pm I asked - just in case because I had been away for 6 weeks. No. you're not on. You were a no show so your booking was cancelled. Excuse me? I am here in PM. How did I get from Lae to PM if I was a no show? Dunno, but the computer says you were a no show. Well here is my boarding card which says I was a show. Yes but even so you are not booked on and there are no seats. I was booked six weeks ago. Who is going to pay for my hotel room tonight? Go and see the Deputy Senior Reservations Attendant. Ah yes we have seat for you - 3D. I got back to the airport at 2pm and boarded at the first call just in case there were two people with 3D boarding passes. There weren't. And this plane for which there was a stand-by list of 26 took off with seat 1F empty.

at the risk of offending a reader

2007-02-01T13:27:00.000+09:00

who objected to my sympathising in about October last year to the plight of Australian Citizen Mr David Hicks, I just wanted to say that it now appears I am part of the mainstream with more and more fellow Australian citizens and mates being bothered over this case. I'm not sure that my blog can add any more earnestness of indignation than what is already out there and Citizen Hicks is still locked up. I'm out of practice. I'm not fired up. 6 weeks without writing proves the point that you write by writing. The ideas are not yet flowing.

back in Lae

2007-02-01T13:08:00.000+09:00

I did manage to get to a computer during my time away but along with my brother in law Bob whom I was helping to set up a blog for I could not log on. I have now changed my password and it seems to be working. Six weeks without logging on the WWWeb, forgetting pass words and log in addresses, remembering PINs, an uneventful holiday even, no permanent house to return to for a holiday. It didn't start off at all well. The night I left here I ordered dinner at the Gateway in PM - prawn kebabs. They brought out two skewers with six tiny prawns about two cms long. The waitress was so embarrassed to present this to me she filled up the plate with potato salad to make the "meal" seem a bit more respectable. Such miserliness and meanness is becoming our way of life. Coles and Woolies are big-noting themselves about making donations of their profits to the "Drought Fund" but these are the same misers who screw down the price of milk, eggs, peaches, potatoes they are prepared to pay to the farmers. For a 2 litre carton of milk, the farmers gets not much more than 30c. If he gets that.

I've just gotter blog this before I leave

2006-12-15T14:47:00.000+09:00

Paul drove me in to town this afternoon and we pulled up against the traffic just over the pedestrian crossing near Airlink down from Foodmart. As I got out of the car on the passenger's side this wait meri comes over to me and complains that the car was in the wrong direction on a pedestrian crossing. I told her not to tell me but to tell the driver if she had a problem. I'm telling you she said. You do something about it. I was flabbergasted. What to make of this. So I told Paul anyway - not for the purposes of doing anything different but to get it off my chest. He said yair I saw her talking to you and I thought she was a friend. I said no, but why would she not talk to you? Between us we worked out she must have thought I being a wait man was the car owner and Paul being the PNGn was my chauffeur and therefore she expected I would tell my "driver". Bullshit. People don't think in racist ways like that still do they? We can't think of any other explanation. Any ideas?

Then twice outside the bank the securities were holding back the pedestrians, keeping us well away from the doors so they could unload cash. There were securities with rifles and pistols ready to shoot and dog handlers. I obey the instructions no problem because as they told me once before, if bullets start going, they don't want to shoot an innocent pedestrian. They convinced me. But one arrogant ex-pat (not Australian or European) insisted he be allowed through.

Then finally getting on to the bus I was nearly bowled over by a drunk. The passengers already on the bus breathed a sigh of relief as he left. They get embarrassed when one of their countrymen behaves like this.

Happy Christmas, signing off for 2006.

2006-12-15T08:17:00.000+09:00

When I was shopping for Boss yesterday I got a beads making set for Betty, a plaster model cast kit for Delilah and a drawing machine for Cynthia, a frisbee for them all and six skeins of wool for making a bilum for Wendy. Six probably isn't enough but it is something. I will give Peter and Joseph some drinks or something like that. I leave tomorrow for Port Moresby, overnight at the Gateway for K198, then fly out to Brisbane on Sunday for 6 weeks in Oz.

Farewell to Robert who leaves this AVI posting next week, farewell also possibly to Anthony who may be transferring his AVI posting to Port Moresby, farewell to Jane for this posting. Good luck with your new ventures. Merry Christmas and best wishes to everyone for the new year 2007. Thank you for reading and for commenting. I hope to start blogging again in late January. I will be on the move in Australia too much to post regularly.

Luv yez all,
Outback to Jungle.

my mate rascolled in his own office

2006-12-15T08:04:00.000+09:00

yesterday afternoon. With no staff around at 4pm, this rascol armed with a home made gun looked like 22 calibre he said, came into his office on the third floor and tied him up with tape and was going to shoot him for ruining a wontok's life for poor grades or something - anything even. Mate talked to him about going to gaol for murder and the rascol settled for just taking his lap top. Mate escaped his bonds, ran to his secretary, called security and he was arrested at the gate. The lap top was damaged in the scuffle. We had a few beers last night to get over the trauma. If I can leave with two bouts of malaria, three sores on my legs and one pickpocketed phone I shall consider myself blessed.

While this was going on, I was over at Scout Camp attending a birthday party for 1 year old Boss - also know as Isaac. I got him a little toy car. There was so much to eat there. I ate off a plate but other guests as they came up to the table just tore off a piece of banana leaf and used that as a plate. The mumu was cooked in big pots with heated stones put into the them and water poured in to steam the food. Happy birthday Boss. Thank you for having m,e at your party.

at the yoti

2006-12-14T07:08:00.000+09:00

The Yacht Club has been a regular Friday Night Social Excursion - the one night of the week we can get out because we can get a lift home.

PMVs stop running after dark and as you can see from the background, it is dark time.

Troy, an AVI from Kokopo-Rabaul is in the blue shirt.

when you knock my representative

2006-12-13T14:59:00.000+09:00

then you knock me too right? Why does Peter Costello think it is alright to ridicule the representatives that 5 million or so people elected to Parliament? Paul Keating used to do it too. Why do these jokers think that they can take the mickey out of people we elected to represent us? Do they think we elected donkeys to parliament? Do they think five million of us are so stupid that we elected representatives knowing that they were figures of fun?

Listen up Costello and the 60% of people who elected you. I live in a democracy where my elected representative deserves to be treated with respect. You want to laugh at my elected representative then tell me to my face that I voted for a goose. Nah you're not game and you wouldn't have the courage to apologise either. You rabbit on about the joys of democracy well how about treating the representatives of the minority with as much dignity you like to be treated with.

why can't they have their own style?

2006-12-13T08:25:00.000+09:00

I watch fox news and this Greta van Suchen intones her questions as downward intoning throw away lines almost like a policemen getting the facts of an accident: and how old are you Sir? did you see anything Ma'am? and what was that Sir? so you can't be sure? was anyone else around? This is OK for facts but to use the same manner in an empathy situation is a bit fake: and how are you now Sir? you must be devastated? how are you coping Ma'am? that must be so hard?

Anyway this Carl guy on Ch 9 morning show has taken to copying this Greta bird. That one of them does it is bad enough. That one copies the other is hard to take. But when the copyist is such a try hard and it doesn't work, you just feel like screaming, "Do your own thing mate, do something else but give us a break will ya." Perhaps if he put in the Sir bit or the Ma'am bit it might be better?

David came with me on Saturday morning

2006-12-12T07:08:00.000+09:00

He's one of the PNG guys, very quiet and assuming and modest like most people here and something about correct enrolment for the elections next year came over the radio. I asked David if he was correctly enrolled and he replied so unemphatically and unassertively that no he wasn't going to vote. I expressed surprise and he equally as unassertively said that he had vowed to never vote while corruption was so rife. " Those politicians spend K200 000 like we spend K2," was all he said.

People are not stupid so why they are treated as being stupid by the greedy and corrupt ones makes their crimes all the more abhorrent. One politician promised to pay the school fees of students at a high school at his electorate. Another promised a large sum to the new Salvation Army school (not yet received - promise now 2 years old). It is common practice for politicians to donate an ambulance or police or rubbish collecting vehicle and have "This vehicle donated by X, Member for Y" painted on the side.

Labor caucus minutes of meeting

2006-12-11T07:01:00.000+09:00

Righto, listen up guys. New day, new team, same problem. How are we gunna win government?
Oi, point of order. It's the Left's turn to chair the meeting.
Yair, and while you sort that out, point of information. What do we want to win government for anyway? It's comfortable enough here in opposition. The Right is too aspirational. You should join the Libs.
Well if Kev wants to be PM we should support him. He's our mate.
Yair too right. Onya Kev.
OK, we've sorted that. The Left is chairing the meeting. Who wants to talk? Go on Anthony.
Well Howard goes for a walk every morning. Why can't Kev go for a walk?
Yep. Point 1. Thanks Anthony. Kev, can you manage that?
Not really but if you reckon it will work with the voters I'll give it a go.
What about getting him in to a Church with the TV to show him kneeling and blessing himself?
Point 2. Got that. Can you work on that Kev?
Yair, no problem. This is good. We're on a roll. Keep the ideas coming folks.
How about getting the TV in to Kev's house to show him watching the cricket? Do ya like cricket Kev?
That's not the point. The yobbos like to think their PM is like them. What about we get Kev a ticket to sit with the yobbos and throw beer cans?
Yair. Have you got a pair of stubbies and thongs Kev?
Oi, address your comments through the Chair. Point 3. Well Kev?
No, but maybe I could get some at Vinnies. This is good. New day, new team, new ideas.

the end of the year is fizzling out

2006-12-10T09:44:00.000+09:00

I went to a farewell function last night to wish well Vivien, Robert, Richard and Dr Dialo as they leave their positions here for new adventures. As usual at a PNG feast there was so much to feast on. I made some chicken which did not turn out as well as I had hoped. A baste of oil, candied marmalade and soy sauce did not grab the chicken as it was supposed to. Luckily there were better cooks there than I. The stir fried veges turned out alright though.
I went over to get myself checked out for malaria this morning. They are very lovely Sisters who work in the clinic and because they are dealing with malaria all the time they are very knowledgeable about the different ways it manifests. I've got a dry cough and no other symptoms of cold. I am on erthmyocin or something like that anyway because I am allergic to penicilin based antibiotics and I thought perhaps that AB would kill off the malaria virus but the sister said it needed to be treated differently. So she took blood and will have it tested in the lab and I'll get the results this PM.

I had to take the truck into town yesterday

2006-12-09T10:21:00.000+09:00

and two of the office staff came with me. It was just before midday so I called in at the pie shop across the road and asked the guys if they wanted a pie. "Pie? That's wait-man kai. Us blackfullas can't afford that," they told me. So we had hot pies on the way in. Wait man, black man. There is no racism in the labels. John even told me he was called a red man because the pigmentation in some areas of PNG is so different from the Buka and some other places. On the way back I got some coke and twisties and gave some to the security guards at the gate.
Yesterday there was a sad little boy in the clinic with red blotches his mum told me. I told him I was sicker than him because I had no colouring in my skin. I think as long as we understand we have differences and we don't make socially relevant judgements on the basis of physically or culturally irrelevant characteristics then we can get over any lingering race issues.
Fortunately race does not seem to be an issue in PNG - possibly on account this is an independent country. As far as I know I am just called wait man as an easy way of distinguishing me.

tangled wreck of metal

2006-12-09T07:32:00.000+09:00

following a fire at Popondeta store two weeks ago. Also the ww2 plane wreck and my foot on top the wheel of the plane. There is still rubber tyre on the rim.

crashed ww2 plane at Popondeta

2006-12-09T07:30:00.000+09:00

how much would you sell your soul for?

2006-12-08T10:34:00.000+09:00

A guy asks a girl, Would you sleep with me for a thousand dollars? Yeah of course. What about a hundred dollars. Well maybe. What about a dollar? She slaps him and says What do you think I am, a prostitute? He replies, Well we've already established what you are, we're just haggling over the price.
Politics is very much like that. Us voters show that we are prepared to be bought and the election is about how much we value our integrity. The last election was about trust in which the government turned the word trust around. The people said We trust the government to run the economy well but we do not trust the government to tell the truth. But the truth doesn't matter to us as much as the economy matters. We don't mind if the government lies and lacks integrity so long as it keeps interest rates low.
Who would you trust in a life or death situation - PM Howard or Opposition Leader Rudd? If I think I know the way ahead and the only way I can convince you to follow me is by lying to you, would I be right to lie to you?

it's amazing isn't it?

2006-12-08T10:02:00.000+09:00

The invasion of another people's country is not looking good so all the gung-ho-ness and tostesterone has leached from the government's pouch. We turned down a request to embed with Iraqis. Our civilian leadership is going to be nowhere near the military funeral today.
I was never a supporter of invading another country - after all, where do you draw the line - Zimbabwe? North Korea? Burma? Fiji? But now we have shat and vomited and trodden muck into their kitchen it would be the grossest of indencies - to say the least - to creep out.
Whoops, sorry about that Mrs Iraq. Goodness did I do that? I'm so sorry. Let me pay for some house help to clean it up.
Just go will you, you ignorant shortsighted savage. You come here constipated with bravado and you couldn't hold it in. No just leave it - you're just making it worse. Go and learn some international manners so that you might at least spare some other poor people this misery.

Dear Jason, Annie and Tansey

2006-12-07T10:42:00.000+09:00

Jase, I went over and picked up your mail today and there is one stamped from Oxford, another looks to be internal mail and a third in a large (A4) brown envelope from the Office of the Director of Institutional Anti-Leverage and Particularity Quantification Equivalents in Hanoi – this one had been opened but not by me. It looked official and I was worried – I did not have my glasses when I received the mail and so I was relieved to notice that the address button was only from some bureaucracy in New Western and not from somewhere important.
I went to Popondeta and Moresby last week and this week I was to have been going to Aitape and Wewak but the airstrip had not been mowed and the pilots refused to land at Aitape so I postponed until early next year. Nothing seems to be happening on the resolution of tensions at SEM and Staff level. I think Council set up a committee to investigate the matters but everything is very hush-hush – nothing even in the papers.
I have another sore on my leg and am treating it with anti-biotics and aloe vera.
We have a farewell at Tony’s tonight for Vivien, Richard, Robert and Dr X from business studies the African guy. You know whom I mean. Things are very quiet. I leave at the end of next week.
Happy Diwali, Christmas, New Year and every other blessing as they are appropriate to you.
Si.
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I've got another sore on my leg

2006-12-07T10:08:00.000+09:00

It started off like a scratch like the previous ones and over a few days it got redder and more irritating. I put on some yellow ointment and took some spare erithrocin tablets that I had left over from the previous time - I'd kept them in the fridge - and bathed it with hot salty water. On the first night I put straight tea tree oil on it but I think that made it worse. My leg feels very tight so there must be some serious disorder going on in there.
The clinic sisters are very good. When I went over there yesterday I was standing at the counter for 10secs max and the secretary brought out my file. I had my uni ID card but the secretary had seen me coming. That's a bit of a worry: that one is so well known to the clinic that they do not even have to check one's ID and they can pin point one's file like that. Let me see - 2 sore legs at the beginning of the year and 2 bouts of malaria in September. Now a 3rd sore leg. I suppose that makes me a little bit sick - doesn't it?
Anyway I asked Peter yesterday whether there was any aloe vera in the garden. Robert had got some from the City Mission and he put me on to it as a cure all. Well this morning Peter turns up with an aloe vera plant - not just a leaf but a whole actual plant roots and all. How lucky am I!

I will be away again this week

2006-12-05T09:18:00.000+09:00

I come back Saturday for a week and then I am back to Oz for Christmas. Best wishes for Christmas and I hope 2007 will be a good year for you.

I know Howard has supporters

2006-12-05T08:35:00.000+09:00

who were encouraged when the boatloads were turned back. We won a great victory. How dare they come freeloading into our country. As for Hicks, after what he did to our American allies who saved us from annihilation in WW2, then let him suffer. I know they think Howard must be an honourable man because they are shown pictures of him kneeling and blessing himself in Church in contradistinction to Labor people who are not shown in this pose. I know they think he must be one of them because he allows TV crews to come in and show him sitting in an arm chair watching the cricket or tennis or swimming.

But I know they are being had. They are being offered an image which supports their prejudices. This is not fair on my country and it is my country too - it doesn't just belong to the supporters of the government. Democracy depends on the support of the majority and the goodwill of the minority in a REAL world, not an IMAGE world which is what we've got in PM Howard. If he believed in himself then he would not hide from the truth.

that's a bit harsh isn't it?

2006-12-05T08:05:00.000+09:00

After all, the economy is simply a tool for adding to human happiness. If you see these poorly performing economies and look at the human misery in them, why would you swap a well performing economy for theirs? This misses the point. No-one goes in to politics to run the country into the ground. Every politician thinks he has the best interests of the country at heart and that he alone has the solution. But when a politician lies about the GST, exploits the fears of Australians about the Tampa, dissembles over core and non-core promises, dissembles over the understanding of the word "trust", hides one's own mismanagement of interest rates and size of the budget defecit, does not stand up for one of our own citizens being held prisoner in a foreign country, claims religiosity and love of sport for the sake of image - then there is a problem.
As a voter I do not like being treated as a mug - not for the sake of giving power to one bloke, a bloke who is only an image of what I expect a bloke to be. There but for the grace of God any one could be a David Hicks and I would expect the Prime Minister to assist no matter how stupid I might have been. God gives second chances on account of Jesus. Why doesn't this PM who claims to be so holy?

I am very sorry about Kim Beazeley's

2006-12-05T07:24:00.000+09:00

loss of his brother yesterday. People in politics are human too but how often do I forget that myself. Politicians themselves ought to remember that more often than they do. I am sure Beazeley himself was a good man but he let himself down over the Tampa issue in 2001. Maybe he panicked and was spooked and forsook his integrity as he saw power about to slip away from him again. He did not show himself strong enough to put better talent such as Emerson or Tanner on his front bench. I hope Rudd is strong enough to demand a quality front bench.

So if I think like this, does this apply to PM Howard? Is he not a human being too? The man lacks integrity and he plays upon the perceptions of the voter. This is wrong. He lacks the morals of a principled person while he acts out the role of a principled person. There used to be decent people in the Liberal Party - Peter Baume and Ian McPhee and Fred Chainey - but there seems to be no place for them now. Putting an inanimate concept such as the economy ahead of the human concept of the community amounts to policy gone ideologically warped. If Howard wants to be treated as a human then he has to put humanity above economy. If he gets sick or old or dies, then let the economy grieve for him on account that he worships it so much.

where's my photo publishing facility gone?

2006-12-04T12:25:00.000+09:00

I goes away for a bit and I comes back to find I can't alter the font and the photo facility has gone. Glory be, it's so hard to get hired help these days. If this gets into cyber space maybe someone will see it and alert the publishing site that the blog has lost photo facility. I'd better go back and check what my last photo published was.

So Beazeley has gone. Probably no big loss to politics as he didn't seem much of a world beater in that field. He tried to look serious by frowning a lot but it always seem feigned and strained. Rudd is also a serious looker but he gets away with it. He might be more of a politician than Beazeley.

As voters we need to question ourselves though. We put politicians into politics which is logical. Maybe we need to be counter intuitive and start putting in the least most likely in order to break the cycle. After all, it is no big deal and not much of a claim to fame to put on a head stone, "The most significant Politician of his generation." What does that mean? "Al Capone, the most significant crook of his generation;" "John Howard, the most significant cheat and liar of his generation." They are not epithets I would like but some people have kinky tastes.

I forgot to finish yesterday's post

2006-12-04T08:06:00.000+09:00

about the cricket. It is good to see that some serious comment about how good it is to see competition in the cricket, distinct from the hyperbole and jinjoistic nonsense, is catching up with my perspective of the game. This competitivism is good for the game but if it turns out to be a one night wonder then there is no point. Cricket is more than something akin to pulling the wings off flies or pinning butterflies down. Sure that might satisfy the jingoists and the other yobbos but for those of us who think about the game rather than redeeming our inferiority complex, then cricket lovers and sport lovers in general have to think about strengthening the weaker international teams. That business of setting England 600 runs last week was farcical. No way was it a competitive total. It went right over the top and could have killed the game - not just this series but for all time. And then we would have been happy would we? We showed 'em not to mess with us aussies. Us big heroes us.
Anyway, I was wrong. England has responded. I hope the response was for positive improvement in batting reasons and not for the negative reason that McGrath and Warne had a couple of bad days.

are we Asian or not?

2006-12-04T07:37:00.001+09:00

1996. We are Australia. We are no more a part of Asia than Scandinavia is. Australia is Australia. We are not Asian.
2006. We are inextricably part of Asia. This is where our future is. We are as slope headed and slanty eyed in business as the next Asian. Australia is Asia. Asia is Australia. We are one.

Dear God,
I draw your attention to an error in your architecture of the world and humbly request that you rectify this. Australia is part of Asia. Please readjust your map accordingly.
Yours with righteousness,
PM.

2006. Asian Games. Why is Australia holding its National titles when all our top swimmers are competing at the Asian Games? Why are our top swimmers in the Asian Games not making it through to the finals? Why are the finals made up mainly of Chinese, Korean and Japanese swimmers? Hmm, some serious issues there.

Basicly? Basically?

2006-12-04T07:27:00.000+09:00

Be suspicious - be very suspicious when someone describes something as "basically".
How is Johnny going at school, Teacher?
Well basically, Johnny ...
How is my health, Doctor?
Well basically Mr Jones ...
Concerning the sick joke that is Iraq these days a spokesman said, "It's basically a redeployment."

Basically? Either it is a redeployment or it isn't. There's nothing basically about it.

Basically is a weasel word. It allows the speaker an out later on when things go further pear shaped. "Oh no no no, you remember I said it was basically a redeployment. Well it was that, but it was more than that."

Well basically we are invading Iraq to get the weapons of mass destruction and then we are out of there.

Bullshit, was all the band could play, bullshit, they played it night and day. Basically.

Song cheats and song pirates

2006-12-04T07:12:00.000+09:00

ought to get their own songs and leave other people's words, rhythms, melodies and beats alone. Herr Muller or whatever his name was composed the definitive Christmas Carol 'Silent Night' and it doesn't need any 21st century help to improve it. Go and reinvent Mozart's Clarinet concerto if you must or Mark Antony's funeral oration but leave Silent Night alone and while you're at it, leave our national anthem bloody alone too. It doesn't need any more Julie Anthony like warbles and semi crochet tones once removed from the original. Nor does the last line need to turn each note into a multi semi-breve marathon whose multiness factor is known only to the guest warbler. This is Australia, not America where they do weird things to their national anthem. Be a bit more patriotic you singers - sing the original and show respect to the composer.

I love being wrong for a good cause

2006-12-03T07:19:00.000+09:00

That was a top day's cricket yesterday. Hang on, where's the font button gone? I don't like this font - it reminds me too much of typewriters. They were a machine before word processors. It was good to see the appreciation for whatsisname's Collingwood double century.
The weak are not strengthened by weakening the strong - I know that and I think I accept that. But if cricket as a world game is to grow from
Sori tru, I'll have to finish this later as I have to go to lotu (Church in Tok Pisin).

mate how'd yez go yessdy?

2006-12-01T12:18:00.000+09:00

Mate we hammered 'em. Ocker got 4 fer in the first and 3 fer in the second and Smithy got a 5 fer and 2 fer and Daily got a ton in both innings. Mate an' then last night we went out and got pissed as farts.

This converation interpreted for TV audience by the commentators as follows.

"Well good morning viewers and welcome to our commentary live this morning from Bullamakanka Oval where the visitors will be struggling in spite of the best efforts of the home team to remain focused last night. What about Ocker's performance yessdy Bluey?
Yes indeed Freddo. A 4 fer and a 3 fer followed up with being pissed as a fart last night should make for an interesting day with the bat for him. Mind you, Smithy need not be so sure of himself either despite his 5 fer and 2 fer. Both the quicks were as pissed as farts and deservedly so. Now let's take up the commentary with Bonzo."

Oh my goodnes. What on earth are we in for today?

commentators are not the only ones

2006-11-30T11:25:00.000+09:00

to gatecrash our values and vernacular. Have you noticed the way in particular Costello and Vanstone and I think it might be speading to the opposition although with their being almost invisible and inaudible, I can't be sure, are dropping in, "Well gee that's a toughie" and "Gee whiz, I'd have to think about that one."
Listen, you politicians are paid enough to not have to "gee whiz" the people of Australia. If you can't do better than "gee whiz" us then you should vacate your position and give it to someone else who can handle the situation. The minder who dreamed up this attempt to proletariatise and vernacularise the representatives of the people ought to rethink the philosophy behind it. Their salaries are big enough for them to give honest, sensible and thought through answers. If Peter and Amanda can't do that, then let Kim and Julia have a go.
"Geez, that's a toughie. Fair dinkum."
You politicians have got your own language. Don't pretend you are one of us by trying to hijack our language.